Ok, well I am (as most) a product of a broken, VERY dysfunctional family. I have 1 older brother (who acts younger) who I have had to take care of. I am also a product of… (wow, how do I say this???) being molested by my mother’s boyfriend who ultimately became her husband. That’s a story that will probably be explained in a later “chapter”.
Anyway… I was 16yrs. old when I was first pregnant. I ran away from home to live with my 26yr. old boyfriend. (almost always a recipe for disaster!). After I went home from being with him, playing house I found out I was pregnant! Wow! What a huge shock, right? Well I told my mother right away (BIG mistake) who reminded me that my father already who wanted to (&tried to) beat the sin out of the “Baby’s Dad”! (i really hate that name! sounds way to ghetto!) She began a campaign of abortion immediately after I told her. She would leave flyers, pamphlets & any information she could find about abortion. She was constantly telling me of her friends who’s daughters found themselves in the same situation and after having an abortion, went on to live fulfilling lives. She would drop hints on how my life would change & how it was going to be all me to care for all of the child’s needs. Basically scaring me into having the procedure done. I of course hung on her every word, my mother, I thought (back then) knew everything & would only lead me the correct way. (I have since learned thinking that was sooo wrong!) On top of that craziness I was dealing with, the baby’s donor was also pushing hard for me to have the procedure done as well. Mind you, I am a 16yr. old kid. Regardless, not one person EVER asked how I felt or what I wanted to do. Needless to say, I did what I ALWAYS did, what was expected of me. I walked in this cold, sterile office (ALONE) where women were vomiting or looked as though the crawled in from the streets and even a couple of girls who looked about my age but looked as though they had done this before and were just returning to have it done again, no big deal, ya know, hair done CHECK, nails done CHECK, oh yeah one more thing… swing by the office to take care of that pesky pregnancy problem! Never-the-less they had someone there with them. Supporting them or even just there, no reason just there to be with the girl. Not me, my mother and the father who were pushing so hard for me to do this were nowhere to be seen! Of course on that day they both had “other things to do”! The “sperm donor” just dropped me off in the front only to tell me to call him when i was “done”! I know the only reason he did that much was because the office policy mandated someone to drop me off & pick me up. As far as my mother, she couldn’t even call in sick to be there with me. Regardless, I walked in a mother-to-be, walked out childless. By the way, any anti-abortion advicates, save it!!! This is not the place for voicing your pro life redorrick! I think I heard and answered all that jazz on my way in. Anyway, I called & sperm donor came to pick me up. As he drove, he asked where he was going to drop me off. Shocked, because I figured he would at least stay with me until my mother got home, i ask “Drop me off? Aren’t you going to stay?” to which he replied he had previously promised to meet his friend for lunch. LUNCH? Are u serious? Now that really put the cherry on this most depressing day (at least at that point, it gets better… read on) So I get home, ill & upset. He kissed my head and took off. I was finally able to sleep when my mom arrived home early (even though she couldn’t wouldn’t take off a whole day to be by my side, supporting me.) with a little gift for me. I thought it would be something to cheer me up, until I saw what it was… THE BIBLE, on tape!!! She starts explaing what a huge sin I committed, and how she spent most of her day praying and lighting a candle at the church for her “lost” “grandchild”. (Told you the cherry was yet to come!) again, no time for me! No time to be with to stop me because her views on the situation changed. Was I in the twilight zone? Needless to say, this is a day I will remember like it was yesterday. When I think of that day it is so very vivid. I can smell all of the horrible smells, I feel all of the emotional and phisical feelings. I can hear every single word and sound as clear today as everything sounded that mournful day. I could remember how discusting the clinic was because I can remember the nurse taking out the jar holding my insides (& my baby) right pass me in the “proceedure” room as I lay awake for the entire proceedure in that cold cold room. Throwing it out as though it was garbage no longer needed. I will NEVER forget that day. When I am old and grey, if i end up with dementia, I think that will be the day I relive over & over in my own private HELL!!!
Been There, Done That… Now informing! 